As promised I am back with another weekly reflection. Looking back I had a pretty good week. I would say my high for the week was the Meeting of the Minds that took place on yesterday. This was a meeting where I got together with some amazing, smart, and positive women to discuss the future of WOKE. As most of you know WOKE is more than just a blog, it is also a community service group, a sisterhood, and a way to partake in self care with like minded women. Over all WOKE is a vibe! But the meeting was great and has me excited for what's to come in with WOKE. My low for the week would probably be that I miss talking to one of my good friends that I usually talk to quite a bit but she is on her honeymoon so I am trying not to bother her, in hopes that I will have a new niece or nephew in a few months.
My low also have me thinking about friendships and how the dynamics of friendships change overtime. For me it takes a while for me to truly trust people. Its easy to talk about life experiences and maybe joke them off but to really talk about how I was effected by certain experiences is a tough one. Therefore when things change in the way I interact with my friends such as the frequency or the way in which we converse, there is a slight adjustment period for me. In this adjustment period I sometimes tend to overthink. I say to myself "OMG I have not spoken to so and so they must be mad at me. Are they talking trash to other people about me being a sorry friend since I haven't had a chance to reach out to them? Are we even friends anymore?" If you are like me the silence in a relationship or friendship is awkward and your brain go 0 to 100 real quick.
There is a few things I had to realize to refrain from this type of unhealthy thinking. One is that its okay to grow in different directions then your friends. Often times people say things like this is my crew, this is my clique, no new friends, etc. But the reality is we will acquire new friends and our friends will acquire new friends, all of which can impose on the original dynamic of the friendship. Also priorities most likely have changed since you first met your friend. As for me and my friends we met in college a time where socialization is the top priority. My friends and I found each other early into our freshmen year. All four of us was smart, beautiful, and apart of the basketball team, but now as we are approaching 30 people are getting married, having kids, starting businesses, have demanding careers, and even going back to school priorities have changed. What helps me be okay with growing pains is my faith and relationship with, and knowing whoever or whatever God removes from my life is only making room for my blessing.
Secondly we have to know that it is not solely your responsibility to make a friendship grow. I use to feel like I have to make sure I call every so often or so and so will feel like I am acting funny. To me relationships and friendships are 50/50. Both parties must be willing to put in the work to build up the relationship. And notice I said parties and not people, because it also stems from the people in your corner. If I know this man makes my friend happy then if she vent to me about something he did or not doing even though I am her friend I should encourage her to work it out (as long as her life not in danger or nothing like that.) I said all that to say make sure the people in your corner know who you rock with so they can help you make a better decision. But if the love is not being reciprocated please don't feel bad for protecting your peace and moving around.
And lastly simply ask questions before assuming things that lead to anger or resentment. That does not mean that the other person will be 100% honest with you about why they are not communicating with you or how your lack of communication has hurt them. But it does acknowledge the change in dynamic and suggest to your friend that you miss them.
Sometimes when I get into my overthinking mood and I don't know how to feel about something I just google "what does the bible say about.....?" So since this past week I have been thinking about friendships a little, I goggled "What does the bible say about friendship?" And what I found out is that it is pretty even the number of things that talked about holding on the friendships and letting go of friendship. I am just going to list a few and maybe, if you are going through some of these same growing pains, these scriptures can help you preserve in your friendship or give you peace in knowing that the friendship is moving in different directions.
A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.
Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another
1 Corinthians 15:33
Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”