Often times we can feel like we are stuck in the life that we are living. We might say things like "I don't know how to do anything else so I am stuck at this job." Or "I tried working out I am just stuck being this size." I like to believe that most people are trying their best to live their best life financially, socially, spiritually, physically, and mentally/emotionally. Of course we have an economy that is designed to keep certain people at a certain status, but I digress (we will save that for a later blog.) The easy thing is to point the finger and name off a list of reasons for why we are the way that we are, but the reality is that pointing fingers and playing the blame game is only hurting ourselves.
We use to have a saying in basketball, I am sure that anyone that has been apart of a team can tell you, the saying goes "if you are not helping the team you are hurting the team." Therefore as individuals our financial, social, spiritual, physical, and mental/emotional state work together as a team to help us to create a life that we love. I know what you saying "sis, I am overweight so you saying I shouldn't love my life?" That is not it at all. I am saying that we have to be honest with ourselves about the type of life that we want to live and find out what part of our team, that financial, social, spiritual, physical, and mental/emotional state, we need to work on to live the type of life that we want. But we will get more into that in a minute.
There are three main things we must do to create a life we love and love the life we are creating:
1.) FALL IN LOVE WITH THE PROCESS
We must have a vision before we can create. Therefore we have to be honest with ourselves about what area of our life we are dissatisfied with and create a vision for it. For example, I am unhappy with my current weight, therefore I pull up pictures of when I was smaller and say "I am going to work on getting back to this size." Or maybe you are unhappy with you finances (also me) then I look at people that have had financial success and follow that blue print. Keep in mind whenever using someone else success as a vision for where you want to be start with the people closes to you. Don't automatically jump to the Oprah's and Bill Gates of the world. Look at the success your mom had, an aunt, or maybe even a distant cousin, because more then likely the circumstances that they reached success in are closer to your own circumstances.
After you can see the vision from your past success or from the success of people around you, now it's time to create the steps. This part is a little tricky because no one can tell you what is going to work for you. This part is about trail and error, also doing your research. During this process you have to reward yourself for small victories. You might be like me and say "I am going to workout in the morning this whole month." At the end of that month congratulate your self by going out having a drink or posting selfies on IG, however you celebrate. Also reevaluate did that work for me going in the morning? Was I less productive at work? Did I get the results I wanted or was I too tired from waking up so early that all I did was sit in the sauna.
Something else that will help you fall in love with the process is finding supports. We all need encouragement in any process that we are in. Therefore look for that family, friend, empowerment group, youtube channel, book, podcast, instagram page, facebook page, etc., that is going to support you during the process. If you put these things together falling in love with the process becomes easier no matter if the vision is to grow spiritually or have financial freedom.
2.) LOVING YOURSELF WHILE WORKING ON YOURSELF
People often feel like "well, if I admit that there are areas that I am dissatisfied with about my life then that means I don't love myself." No boo, that's actually the opposite. If you are not honest with yourself and continue to allow self destructive behaviors then that is when you don't love yourself. You don't love yourself enough to fight for what you want. Also when you are honest with yourself no one can use your short comings against you and if someone tries it then your reply is "yea sis, I'm working on it and I still love me, so what's your point."
So after we are honest with ourselves we typical get upset as to how we let things get out of control (maybe I am just talking to myself). But a part of loving ourselves while working on ourselves is forgiving ourselves. You have to forgive yourself for the things you did not know. Or maybe you was aware but did not know how to change it. Or maybe you did the research and was ready to change but didn't know how to get out of your comfort zone, either way FORGIVE YOURSELF SIS. We can not change the past and holding on to the past just make the journey that much harder. So, let those bags go!
3.) PAY ATTENTION TO CONVICTION
So this is probably the thing I use to have the toughest time with. First of all, what is conviction? I am not talking about the verdict made by the jury. I am describing a firmly held belief or opinion.I struggle with this because I will have friends that would ask me to go out or that would have events that I was expected to be at. I would feel a conviction knowing that I don't want to let my friends down but also know that if I go it will be tempted in ways that conflict with my vision for myself. So listen to yourself, it is okay to set boundaries in order to achieve your goals.
When we go against the feeling of conviction it creates a feeling of guilt. Therefore we should listen to our own thoughts about situations. I know there are times when we want to do something just to please or impress other people but we have to ask ourselves "will that hurt me." The book club just finished reading Superwoman Redefined by Ashley Hence. Ms. Hence graciously blessed us with her presences. When discussing the book everyone agreed that the book was about setting boundaries. Ms Hence, who is not only an author but a licensed counselor as well, stated "now days when I do things for other people I ask myself three things; will this hurt me physically, emotionally, or financially." I thought this was so powerful because essentially this is what conviction is. If we are concerned with protecting other people feeling then we are not protecting our own.
The only way to be able to trust your discernment on certain issues is to be feeding your mental/emotional well-being. This mean being in touch with the things that are important for you. This means knowing your triggers to emotional turmoil. Feeding your mental /emotional well being means learning yourself, your values, your morals, and your goals. If we are constantly going against these things it is like having a fight within ourselves. It is important to pay attention to the conviction or discernment that you get because that can hinder you from loving the life you live and creating a life you love.