The Vision

Hi there ladies and gents, thanks for joining me today. As you can tell by the title, this blog is all about the vision God gave to me for becoming a blogger and what events in my life inspired me to pursue the vision. Just a disclaimer, even though there are some unfortunate events that have inspired me to start blogging I have been very blessed. So, I'm not going to tell my whole life story just yet but here are a few major events that inspired me to share my thoughts with others.

In September of 2014 the most life changing thing happened to my family and I, and that was the passing of my brother. My brother committed suicide. He left behind 3 beautiful children and a job at LA fitness as a personal trainer. Losing a love one is always hard, but I think losing your first best friend and not knowing why was the hardest thing ever.

I had never thought about suicide before, but now I was having all kinds of thoughts I never had. We had been raised in the church, so I thought I knew God but the thoughts I was having was telling me otherwise. I was mad at my brother. I was angry with God. I questioned God. I begged God to forgive my brother. I begged God to forgive me thinking that somehow my sins brought this on my family.But I think the thought that God wanted me to get to was "God what do you want to come from this?"

I constantly cried thinking about my niece and nephews that would grow up without their father. I remember thinking my brother had so much purpose here on earth, having three beautiful children and clients that love him. I started to think if my brother had all this reason to live and can do something like this he must not realized his purpose. Then I started to think, "God what is my purpose?"

At the time I'm 23 with no kids, just getting started in my career, living pay check to pay check, and was in a toxic relationship. I started to do a lot of research and a lot of the research on suicide lead back to mental health, which lead to a change in careers, that we will get to in a later blog. But throughout my research I often came back to the question "God, what is my purpose?"

I have only been to my brother grave site once and that is intentional. When I went out there I made a promise to him and that was "I will not let your life go in vain." So even though I talk about him often and laugh at stuff he use to say and do, I don't' think that is enough. Anybody who knew my brother know that he was the most positive person ever. Like I never heard him talk down on anyone, even the mothers of his children. He was the type of person that if you told him "I know how to fly." He would say something like "Oh forreal, when you learned how to do that?" Have you outside jumping off chairs trying to show him. He might even hype you up and be like "yea, that was almost the one right there."

I say all this to say the search to find my purpose has been a long hard road, full of lessons and blessings, and I think through life we are constantly discovering our purpose for living. In this moment that was created in my head years ago, I believe my purpose is to share my life lessons, be an example on how to not give up even when everyone would understand if you did. Spread positivity, make people aware of suicide, and not let my brother's life go in vain. Above all I am here to show that there is beauty in everything created by God and we must trust the process!